The Average Girl's "How To" Guide

Advice on how to live a well-balanced lifestyle

Tag: beer

How To: Build A Kick-Ass Robot Helmet

by Shannon

Rach and I are pretty obsessed with robots – and honestly, why not? Styx liked robots. And if Styx liked robots, well, they’re good enough for us.

On Wednesday night, we launched a new beer for Hop City Brewing – HopBot IPA. It’s pretty freaking awesome – 7.1% ABV, 70 IBUs. And it smells like everything awesome.

Anyway, the logo is a robot, and any excuse to make a robot helmet, well, I’m sure as hell going to take it.

(Disclaimer: It’s a damn good thing no one from work reads this blog, because I definitely didn’t get their permission to post these photos of them looking cooler than cool.)

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  1. First things first – go out and buy some shoes so you have some boxes. Most important step
  2. Just do some mad taping. Robots can look any way you want. I went with the basic square head, but imagination is where you have to come in, since robots lack this basic human function
  3. The add-ons are the best part. I went with a slinky on top, and some soup-can eyes. It’s also a good idea to have a handy friend around. I was just going to tape the eyes on, but my friend Dave actually went crazy and screwed them in, securing them with bolts, which is pretty awesome
  4. Spray paint, spray paint, spray paint! Though not inside, because you’ll definitely get it on the floor and walls of your condo. It was an accident, I swear!
  5. Party on!

How To: Have A Great St. Patrick’s Day

by Shannon

With St. Patrick’s Day falling on a Monday this, I did my main celebrating Saturday with Liam and some friends, and man, we had a blast.

I’m a strong believer that St. Patrick’s Day can be totally fun, without having to pay a $15 cover and cram yourself into a room that seems to have more elbows than bartenders and vacant bathrooms, with the former constantly being shoved in your face. Last year, Liam and I did a sweet College Street pub crawl with a friend that worked out awesome – non-Irish bars get ignored during this holiday, so we had great service, and the bartenders were fun to chat with. This year, we went for the same idea.

Once everyone found the place, we all huddled into Duke’s Refresher, which is a relatively new bar on Gerrard at Yonge. It has a great beer selection, the food was killer (as was my beer milkshake. What!?), and the band kept playing Beatles songs once they realized we loved them. We sat around, played Truth or Dare, ordered multiple Moosehead‘s, and the band even dedicated a song to me.

From there, we booted over to Jack Astor’s for some Woodchuck Ciders, then over to Beer Academy to wrap up the evening. By the time my facepaint was wearing off and Liam and I had demolished the Chinese food we brought home to devour during House of Cards, I was tapped, but I’d had one awesome St. Patrick’s Day.

In honour of my awesome day, I’ve put together a small list of rules that should help you have a wonderful holiday without being stupid.

1. Always make friends with the band and bartenders. They’re so often really cool

2. Ain’t nothing wrong with painting your face. Just ask my mom, who still faithfully does it every year

3. If you have to pay cover at a normally coverless bar, it probably isn’t worth it

4. Eat, eat! You’re skin and bones

5. Green dye will make you feel gross

6. Friends are better than no friends

7. Sing along, clap your hands, laugh loudly. If people can’t hear how much fun you’re having, you’re not having enough fun!

8. At the end of the day, make sure you curl up with a glass of water, a good book that you’re fanatically reading because it expires from the library in two days and you apparently can’t renew e-books, and someone who loves you (even if that someone is just a poster of Keanu Reeves)

What’s Yo’ Beef #29

by Rachel

Rachel

No worries about missing beef day Shannon… Trust me, I forget stuff too, in fact it’s part of my beef today.
This week’s beef is the culmination of months of mistakes, and effects of said mistakes, therefore feeling like a giant idiot.
Example 1: My cell phone bill was double the fee this month, and I said ‘whaaaaat? I definitely paid that last month’…. Turns out I still had my old cell phone provider on my list of payees for online banking. I paid them by accident, which resulted in calling and explaining and making me feel like an #idiot.
Example 2: Although a simple mistake to make, I screwed up my income on my taxes for 5 whole months. How do you go 5 months not catching a mistake? #idiot.
Example 3: I have to send an invoice to my boss in order to get paid. Today was payday… But not for me! I had an email reminder from my boss, actually completed the invoice, but somehow, forgot to send it. #idiot.
All of these realizations came to me this week. COME ON!

Shannon

I did want to make my beef today about shitty technology, and how my computer hasn’t let me on WordPress for like, the entire week, but I’ve decided I’m bigger than that.

I’ve had a pretty good week actually, so relatively low beefs on this end, but there is one thing that’s totally been getting my griddle fired up, and that’s grown-up hangovers.

I have a pretty high alcohol tolerance, thanks in part to years of training with Queen’s Players, and the fact that I work for a beer company. It’s something I’m pretty proud of, and I can definitely hold my own against people who are a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier.

But man, do I ever pay for it these days. Last night Liam and I had dinner out, where I had one beer, then we moved to a friend’s house (where I played Grand Theft Auto for the first time – what have I been missing?!), where I had one cider, and half of a beer. And I feel slightly hungover! My skin has that not-fresh feeling, my head is just sliiightly throbbing, and all I want is tomato soup (though that’s also just a regular day for me). What the dude! Grown-up hangovers man, they suck.

How To: Throw a Nation Themed Party – Canada Edition

by Rachel

We had our third nation themed party this weekend, and it never fails to be great! In honour of the Olympics we chose our home and native land, CANADA! We ate, drank, listened, decorated all things Canada.

DRINKS
Canada is known for their beer, rye, whiskey, and Caesars… So that’s what we drank! Courtesy of Shannon we had Moosehead and Cracked Canoe. Moosehead Brewery is Canada’s oldest independent brewery! We had some creative guests who brought strawberry jello shots with whip cream: red and white!

FOOD
So many options here. Anything with bacon and maple syrup is game. 77% of the world’s maple syrup is made in Quebec. Poutine is another great Canadian dish. Ketchup chips are a Canadian thing and of COURSE Timbits. If you are really ambitious, you can make maple bacon cupcakes, don’t skimp on the bacon! They are delicious. And if you have any game meat lying around that’s good too.

ACTIVITIES
Our main Canadian activity was air hockey and Canada Kings, but you’ll have to tune in tomorrow to learn how to play.

DECOR
Oh my goodness, so much fun! Since I have a LOT of time on my hands, moose, beaver, and goose paintings were made, OH Canada bunting flag, all things red and white and wintery. I don’t want to undecorate!

MUSIC
So so so many options. Canada is full of outstanding musicians. To name a few: The Guess Who, Joel Plaskett, Alanis Morrissette, BTO, Neil Young, Our Lady Peace, Arkells… I could keep going for awhile.

COSTUME/DRESS
My favourite part! Canadian tuxedo, hockey jerseys, lumberjack outfits, fur, flannel, plaid, touques, Roots clothing, red, white… It was so fun dressing for this one!
I just want to have theme parties again and again!

With Glowing Hearts, We See Thee Rise, Our True North Strong and Free

How To: Realize You Are Stuck In Your Early 20’s

by Shannon

You open the cupboard for a snack, but all you have is alcohol of every kind.

What’s Yo’ Beef #15

by Rachel

First, a relevant non-beef: my phone finally has Yo’ in its memory. And now, for the beefs.

Rachel

My beef today is when you buy a super cool dress for $2 at a thrift store, spend a lot of time trying to make it fit you by adding flashy back panels, realize things are going surprisingly well (which NEVER happens with my projects, especially sewing projects) and you are getting real excited that it’s almost finished, only to find that there is a tear in the side. Just another thing to crappily sew up. COME ON!

Shannon

My beef today is waiting. What’s the point?! I get way too excited to wait for anything. For example, Liam and I are planning a holiday party for mid-December. Mid-December! That’s like, three weeks away! I can’t wait that long. I’ve already been planning the music, beer, food, and my dance moves. Or, at my work, we just drew names for our Secret Santa yesterday. I’m already so excited! And it’s still two weeks away! Waiting. What’s the point, amiright?!

How To: Feel Like A Million Pounds

by Shannon

Feel incredibly sick all day and subsist on only Premium Plus crackers and water, but force yourself to go to dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory because it’s the last time you’ll see some friends before they pop out another human being.

Have a great time, and of course you’ll have another beer just because everyone else is having one too.

Proceed to feel as insanely huge as your 9 months pregnant friend is. Mission accomplished, fatty.

How To: Make An Awkward Conversation Way More Fun

by Rachel

Wine. Beer. Liquor.

How To: Throw a Nation Themed Party – Germany Edition

by Rachel

I live in Kitchener/Waterloo where October is a very special month… It’s not thanksgiving or Hallowe’en, or moose hunting or harvest, but Oktoberfest!!

There is no better time to throw a German themed party than this time of year.

DRINKS
So, so obvious. BEER! The only stipulation is that it be German… Becks, Krombacher, Paulaner, Lowenbrau… I bought a different German beer for each guest to toast to Germany. It’s also fun to have beer steins to drink out. Very German.

FOOD
Although I didn’t serve this stuff for convenience sake, some delicious options are weiner schnitzel, bratwurst, sauerkraut, red cabbage, black forest cake, streudel… We did have soft pretzels though!

ACTIVITIES
DRINK! That’s it, just drink. But I also had some funny German translation books and a dictionary so people could brush up their German. You could always carve a cuckoo clock or do a Polka for real authenticity…

DECOR
Easy! As per any nation themed party, flags are a must and I made some place cards for each person with a phrase and translations on it. As well a Wilkommen Freundin sign on the mirror.

MUSIC
I prefer Polka music and German Beer Drinking songs… But I hear Germans are great at techno and heavy metal.

COSTUME/DRESS
Dirndl’s, lederhosen, Birkenstocks, and Alpine Bavarian Hats (with a feather of course). You can get creative with these things and with accessories. I painted my nails like German flags!

Going to Oktoberfest and drinking is definitely enough for an awesome party, but adding these extras might be able to help you remember it a little better the next day.

Es wird gefeiert! (It’s party time!)

How To: Survive A Four-Day Hangover

by Shannon

Just rotate between shovelling Tylenol, lobster, and more beer down your throat, and let the Gods work their magic.

Laughter is the best medicine, especially when it tastes like bananas.

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