The Average Girl's "How To" Guide

Advice on how to live a well-balanced lifestyle

Tag: Dinner

What’s Yo’ Beef #29

by Rachel

Rachel

No worries about missing beef day Shannon… Trust me, I forget stuff too, in fact it’s part of my beef today.
This week’s beef is the culmination of months of mistakes, and effects of said mistakes, therefore feeling like a giant idiot.
Example 1: My cell phone bill was double the fee this month, and I said ‘whaaaaat? I definitely paid that last month’…. Turns out I still had my old cell phone provider on my list of payees for online banking. I paid them by accident, which resulted in calling and explaining and making me feel like an #idiot.
Example 2: Although a simple mistake to make, I screwed up my income on my taxes for 5 whole months. How do you go 5 months not catching a mistake? #idiot.
Example 3: I have to send an invoice to my boss in order to get paid. Today was payday… But not for me! I had an email reminder from my boss, actually completed the invoice, but somehow, forgot to send it. #idiot.
All of these realizations came to me this week. COME ON!

Shannon

I did want to make my beef today about shitty technology, and how my computer hasn’t let me on WordPress for like, the entire week, but I’ve decided I’m bigger than that.

I’ve had a pretty good week actually, so relatively low beefs on this end, but there is one thing that’s totally been getting my griddle fired up, and that’s grown-up hangovers.

I have a pretty high alcohol tolerance, thanks in part to years of training with Queen’s Players, and the fact that I work for a beer company. It’s something I’m pretty proud of, and I can definitely hold my own against people who are a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier.

But man, do I ever pay for it these days. Last night Liam and I had dinner out, where I had one beer, then we moved to a friend’s house (where I played Grand Theft Auto for the first time – what have I been missing?!), where I had one cider, and half of a beer. And I feel slightly hungover! My skin has that not-fresh feeling, my head is just sliiightly throbbing, and all I want is tomato soup (though that’s also just a regular day for me). What the dude! Grown-up hangovers man, they suck.

How To: Dirty Less Dishes

by Rachel

One bowl, 3 meals.

Cereal for breakfast.
Rinse bowl.
Cereal bowl becomes lunch soup bowl.
Rinse bowl.
Soup bowl becomes dinner stir fry/pasta bowl.
Wash.

Also works with plates.

Less dishes, less dishwashing, more energy saved.

How To: Feel Like A Million Pounds

by Shannon

Feel incredibly sick all day and subsist on only Premium Plus crackers and water, but force yourself to go to dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory because it’s the last time you’ll see some friends before they pop out another human being.

Have a great time, and of course you’ll have another beer just because everyone else is having one too.

Proceed to feel as insanely huge as your 9 months pregnant friend is. Mission accomplished, fatty.

How To: Outsmart Your Dad

by Shannon

While eating dinner at The Mongolian Grill.

Dad: So, to prepare you for your trip to Amsterdam, I thought we should go Dutch on the bill.

You: But Dad, we’re not in Amsterdam, we’re in Mongolia.

Dad proceeds to pay for dinner.

When the going gets tough, the tough ask for help from their Dads, because Dads are awesome.

How To: Make Schnitzel (Kind Of)

by Shannon

The other night I was at my brother-in-law’s, and his German girlfriend made us schnitzel for dinner. I point out that she’s German because I feel, in a somewhat racisty sort of way I guess? that this makes her an expert on making schnitzel. It’s cool though, we’re friends.

It being 9:30 p.m. and having not yet had dinner after donating blood, my hungry husband decided that this was the perfect time for me to make it. Well wasn’t that nice of him.

This was my attempt:

Step One: Assemble all ingredients so it looks like I’m on a cooking show. It’s very impractical, but Ooh, look at my fancy spice jars that are old sauce jars! Aah, look at my eggs all pre-cracked! The chocolate milk wasn’t part of the recipe, I just really like chocolate milk and was thirsty. Bonus! It’s on sale at Metro for only $1.

Step Two: Shake out a bunch of bread crumbs onto a little plate, along with some parmesan and, I don’t know, oregano? The green spice in your cupboard will do nicely. Mix some eggs in a bowl. Drink some chocolate milk.

Step Three: Take your pork and cover it with the egg, then lay it on the crumb plate. Flip ‘er over and throw it in a pan with oil. Oh yeah, and put oil in a pan and heat it up.

Step Four: Just watch it cook, flip it, and eat it when it’s at that perfect, ‘tender-but-won’t-give-you-food-poisoning’ level.

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How To: Increase Your Appetite

by Shannon

Oversmell someone BBQing burgers. You know you want ’em.

How To: Make A Delicious Meal

by Shannon

Add butter.

How To: Make Leftovers Delicious

by Shannon

1. Eat a potroast for dinner that was pretty good, but would have been really good if you weren’t so lazy and actually made gravy or something
2. Put like, 3/4 of it in the fridge because you don’t have time to eat it since you’re late for your bikini waxing appointment
3. Despair about how blagh it will taste for dinner the next night
4. Decide to buy Pillsbury Country Biscuits and make them
5. Fry up said blargh potroast in a frying pan
6. Put now crispy yum yum potroast on said Pillsbury biscuits
7. Add some old cheddar (the actual kind you buy, not the fridge that’s been in your fridge for months. Throw that shit out, man)
8. PROCEED TO CALL DINNER EASY PEASY YORKSHIRE PUDDINGS AND IT WILL BE THE BEST DINNER EVER

How To: Have A First World Problem

by Shannon

Make a delicious stew after dinner one fine evening, but then realize the slow cooker pot is still too hot from all the electricity it used to put in your refrigerator and you want to go to bed. Darn.

How To: Really Impress Your Husband

by Shannon

For Valentine’s Day, shun flowers and teddy bears. Instead, offer to create a beer pairings dinner. Not only will he love you more than he ever has before, but you can get just a little bit weekday drunk in a totally acceptable way.

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