The Average Girl's "How To" Guide

Advice on how to live a well-balanced lifestyle

Month: October, 2013

How To: Be Utterly Heartless

by Shannon

Listen to “Your Song” by Elton John and don’t even get an urge to sing along.

You’re a monster.

How To: Make An Awkward Conversation Way More Fun

by Rachel

Wine. Beer. Liquor.

How To: Waste A Lot Of Time

by Rachel

Discover ‘gametv’ and spend your time watching really great 80’s and 90’s game shows, such as:
– Bumper Stumpers
– The Dating Game
– Talk about
– Split Second
– The New Liars Club
It also has brand new Family Feud episodes, a personal favorite!

Survey says!

What’s Yo’ Beef, #11

by Rachel


My beef today is about people who snore. It might be the most annoying sound in my world. Even if I’m not trying to sleep and someone is snoring near me I want to rip out my earballs. I feel terrible because obviously they aren’t out to annoy me and can’t help it… Buy my goodness. It is partially my fault. If we go back a beef or two I talked about staying up too late. My husband gets to bed before me and by the time I’m ready he is soundly snoring away, whereas if I went to bed early like him I can get to sleep before it starts and stay asleep. But still, snoring, COME ON!


Beefs. Everyone’s got ’em. Today, mine is indecisiveness, and for the first time in awhile, this beef is about me, not other people.

Usually I’m pretty good at just making my decisions and sticking with them, but this past weekend has just been a mess in that regard. My husband is going to Kingston, where we went to university, to celebrate Halloween with a friend we have doing his Ph.D there. I was originally planning on going, until I realized that this would make an entire month of not being home on the weekends, and I just caved and opted to stay home and work and sleep instead. But then he started going on about this party, and it sounded great, and I’ve just flip-flopped about 30 times. It’s brutal.

How To: Throw a Nation Themed Party – Germany Edition

by Rachel

I live in Kitchener/Waterloo where October is a very special month… It’s not thanksgiving or Hallowe’en, or moose hunting or harvest, but Oktoberfest!!

There is no better time to throw a German themed party than this time of year.

So, so obvious. BEER! The only stipulation is that it be German… Becks, Krombacher, Paulaner, Lowenbrau… I bought a different German beer for each guest to toast to Germany. It’s also fun to have beer steins to drink out. Very German.

Although I didn’t serve this stuff for convenience sake, some delicious options are weiner schnitzel, bratwurst, sauerkraut, red cabbage, black forest cake, streudel… We did have soft pretzels though!

DRINK! That’s it, just drink. But I also had some funny German translation books and a dictionary so people could brush up their German. You could always carve a cuckoo clock or do a Polka for real authenticity…

Easy! As per any nation themed party, flags are a must and I made some place cards for each person with a phrase and translations on it. As well a Wilkommen Freundin sign on the mirror.

I prefer Polka music and German Beer Drinking songs… But I hear Germans are great at techno and heavy metal.

Dirndl’s, lederhosen, Birkenstocks, and Alpine Bavarian Hats (with a feather of course). You can get creative with these things and with accessories. I painted my nails like German flags!

Going to Oktoberfest and drinking is definitely enough for an awesome party, but adding these extras might be able to help you remember it a little better the next day.

Es wird gefeiert! (It’s party time!)

What’s Yo’ Beef #10

by Shannon

Well, well, well. It’s our 10th What’s Yo Beef post already! Let’s dig right in, shall we?


My beef is pasta. Man, just pasta. It has everything going for it – it’s versatile, easy to make, quick to make, and just dirt cheap. So why does it have to be so shitty for you? And what the hell else am I supposed to make for lunch at work the next day other than just boiling up some pasta? Get healthy already, pasta! COME ON!


What is the deal with people cancelling plans? Just keep the plans, man. Otherwise, you’ll have people insanely pissed at you because they have to find alternate people to attend your stuff, and it’s a real bitch. It’s a good thing that the event in question, if, of course, I was referring to a specific event, is Octoberfest in Waterloo, and it’s going to be such a blast that nothing could mar this wonderful, wonderful day. COME ON (and let’s go to Octoberfest)!

What’s Yo Beef #9

by Shannon


Guys, I’ve had such a totally awesome week that today my beef isn’t about shitty people on the TTC, or annoying stuff people do. Nay. It’s about myself guys. And it’s how my brain just doesn’t function well enough to completely memorize all the words to Nicki Minaj’s Superbass. Also, it’s about how it’s not cool to sing out loud at work. Actually, wait, that’s gonna be my beef, I’m switching it up!

I want to sing out loud at work! And I work in a super open concept place, so I can’t do it without looking all weird, especially since I don’t know all the words, as previously mentioned. But I feel it inside me, you know? And I just want to let it go, out into the world. So here’s to singing out loud. I hope all my coworkers read this and are all, “Shannon, we’ve just been waiting for someone to start it off, let’s totally all sing out loud when we want to.”


My beef is not when people say I look tired, because I know its out of concern more than people just being dumb, but the fact that I am a night owl, with terrible sleep patterns. Staying up late for me is like an addiction.

My husband is having a hard time quitting smoking and I always have a hard time understanding why. When I look at my sleep patterns I see similar habits in myself, and have a super hard time changing my ways, so I am slowly beginning to understand. I will think things like ‘OK, starting Monday I am going to start going to bed, lights out, by eleven’… I will do so well for a few days and then the weekend hits, and after that I’m off the wagon. Partying is not good for smokers or night owls to break their habits. Cigarettes make smokers feel like crap, staying up too late makes me feel like crap, yet he smokes on and I keep staying up late watching crappy movies and repeats. I also use it as a reward sometimes… ‘I’ve worked hard all week and tomorrow I have the morning off. I think I’ll stay up late tonight’. Now, its becoming a problem. I’ll have to start working a little harder to quit my habit… But I have a bachelorette and wedding this weekend, so I’ll start Sunday.

How To: Startle Yourself Real Good

by Rachel

Be ambitious and clean your car for the weekend, but forget that the horn is in the center of your super dirty steering wheel while you begin to vigorously scrub it.

We like the cars, the cars that go boom

How To: Fall In Love With Your Husband All Over Again

by Shannon

He sends you an email and the first line is, “We should learn some more duets for karaoke.”



Forget ya haters, ‘cus somebody loves ya. – Miley Cyrus

How To: Make Monday Morning Even Less Enjoyable Than It Already Is

by Rachel

Book yourself a blood test where you have to fast AND and an ultrasound where you aren’t allowed to pee after drinking a litre of water. Make sure you wait to shower after drinking that litre, because you know as soon as you the water touches you you’ll have to pee even more than you already do.

Maybe I’ll just skip the shower.

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