The Average Girl's "How To" Guide

Advice on how to live a well-balanced lifestyle

Category: Being Crazy

How To: Question Your Sanity

by Shannon

Should I have déjà-vu from all these Instagram posts?

Or wait… can I just see the future now? Did the doctors use some kind of new material for my c-section stitches and now I’m… am I a superhero?

Oh. Wait.

I just already saw these posts at 3 a.m. when I was breastfeeding.

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, it’s possibly my own fault because I wasn’t really paying attention the first time.

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How To: Tell If You’re Having A Women’s Heart Attack

by Shannon

Oh God, can someone please tell me? Pretty sure I’m having like, six of them right now.

How To: Solve The Mystery Of Why Women Live Longer Than Men

by Shannon

Dear Science,
I wanted to send a quick note to let you know that I have solved the mystery of why women live longer than men. I would like you to read this post, an excerpt from my very favourite book/bible (How To Be A Woman, by Caitlin Moran, available on Amazon), and then realize the incredible amount of stress that we women deal with each and every day, being attacked by our own brains as if they were Gremlins and fed after midnight. It is this incredible exposure to psycho-stress that we face daily that has built up an outstanding resistance to most causes of death. For those of you scientists suggesting that men begin self-analyzing to this extent in order to join us in our octogenarian days, I would immediately ask that you stop, because otherwise I will never get to live out my Golden Girls fantasy (I’m Dorothy, obviously), and I am really looking forward to it.
Yours in science,
Shannon

How To: Know You’re Killing It At Life

by Shannon

When you make a great joke, the person next to you looks at you and says, “You’re looking around for someone to high-five, aren’t you?”

Yes. Yes I am.

How To: Start A Revolution

by Shannon

Guys – here’s what you do. You just meet a dude at a bar who has an Idea Blog, and then you just come up with brilliant ideas.

Here’s my latest one, all about a brilliant little idea call a 2 honk horn.

How To: Take Things To The Next Level

by Shannon

Fake mustaches, man. They work for pretty much everything.

Example: Last night I was set to play a pretty intense game of Diplomacy, which is basically Risk, but with a 100 per cent greater chance of ruining friendships.

Now, the game on its own would already be fun. But you know what made it more fun?

Fake mustaches.

Not only will you look pretty sexy, but you will definitely weed out which of your friends are cool, and which ones refuse to put on a fake mustache. (Which means you should borrow money from them, and then immediately stop being their friend.)

I will say, as a woman, when you put a mustache on, you find out a lot of things about yourself. – Carrie Brownstein

How To: Become An Internet Sensation

by Shannon

I highly recommend choreographing a kick-ass dance to Matt & Kim’s “It’s Alright,” and then posting it to YouTube. Let the internet dollars start rolling in!

How To: Feel Like A Real Human Being (Finally)

by Shannon

This summer was the summer of being selfish. I did what I want, when I wanted to, and I did it with ease. Before you condemn me, however, it was selfish in a good way, a healthy way.

I met my now-husband in first year university, and after graduating, I went right into more school, and then an internship, and then a job. I’ve always been responsible in that sense. And it’s really boring.

So this summer, I said eff this shiz and explored. I went to New York with my best friend – multiple times. I went on a road trip to the middle of nowhere, I went to concerts, I didn’t clean my apartment, and I let my hair get really tangly. It felt amazing. And part of me really wishes I could live like that forever.

But my plants kind of started dying this summer. I never did iron that shirt I really like, it’s still sitting in the spare room, waiting for me. I didn’t buy new headphones like I wanted, and I just basically didn’t get a lot done.

This past week, I’ve been a grown-up. I’m cleaning, I’m spending more time working, and I went for a (very, very short) run this morning. And that feels good too.

Finding that balance between being a responsible adult, and someone who does not suck is really hard. And there will still be days when I blow caution to the wind and hop on a plane somewhere, or I just decide to be a huge lazy bum and do dick-all. But hopefully I can balance that with getting my shit done as well. So the better I work at that… you know… the better.

How To: Get Supremely Day Drunk in NYC

by Rachel

This is a good and very easy how to guys.

First, go to this restaurant, somewhere near Little Italy, I don’t even know. But I do know, they have the best Sangria I have ever tasted. Ask for it special because for some reason its not on the menu. A pitcher is best.

After this, walk on down to Bowery street and hit Paulaner Brewery. Interesting fact, its the only Paulaner brewery in the states and they have a genuine German Brew master who apprenticed at the Paulaner Brewery in Munich. He’ll make beer in front of your eyes, and he’s super friendly. Isn’t that special? Anyways, in NYC, you will soon learn they have amazing happy hour deals. Its almost worth moving there. Its actually 100% worth moving there. At Paulaner, its 2 for 1 drinks from noon to 6 on Fridays and Saturdays specifically. So, we opted for the litre stein. There were three of us, only two were drinking. We each wanted a different flavour, but our lovely, attractive, Australian with a man bun bartender misunderstood, or we miscommunicated, and he brought us three of one kind of beer, thinking we all wanted a second round of the other kind. What he must have thought of us, I do not know. Some people would be annoyed, but we couldn’t have been happier. Or drunker by the end.

Until we went to our third stop, Dahlia’s, where they make an absolutely delicious margarita. They also have super crispy complimentary tortilla chips and always have the right amount of salsa (its pretty much magic). Don’t stop at 1 margarita, they’re too good. This experience will probably bring you to peak drunkenness for the day. At least it did for us, and turned out to be everyone’s favourite day of the trip!

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer

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There’s our 3L of beer!

How To: Make a Giant Jenga

by Rachel

All you need is a whooooole bunch of 12 inch 2×4 lumber. 54 pieces to be exact.

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Stack ’em up and knock ’em down!
If you get bored with it, make it a truth or dare Jenga. Write a truth or dare on each block and a T or D on the ends so people can choose what they want… But since Jenga IS Jenga, they may have to take what they don’t want in order for the tower not to fall. That’s what makes it exciting!

Pull ’em, Stack ’em, Don’t let ’em Topple!

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