The Average Girl's "How To" Guide

Advice on how to live a well-balanced lifestyle

Tag: Annoying

How To: Avoid Dating

by Shannon

If there’s one thing I’ve noticed lately, in an overarching general and unscientific sense, it’s that single guys are basically women.

Now, when I say “women,” I mean in all the stereotypical senses of the word, so don’t go getting all offended on me ladies, because this is the internet, and I can be sarcastic if I want.

These guys – I swear, they’re having their periods every single day. They’re whining, they’re moody, they’re angsty, they’re happy and fun one minute, and shooting you mad side-eye the next, sending you texts that you can’t figure out if they hate you or if they’re just upset that even their fat jeans are a bit snug.

Come on, guys. No wonder you’re single! You’re acting like women. So even if you do get a girlfriend, she’s probably a lesbian, and she’s attracted to you because you like the same flavour of Ben and Jerry’s and share the same moisturizer.

Shape up, men. Go chop down a tree or something, and come home all sweaty. And stop crying, for the love of pete.

(That’s my job, and it’s because I was thinking about how sad the song lyrics are in Tiny Dancer and then I realized that no matter what, I’ll never be a dancer now.)

I’m looking for a hard-headed woman. I mean, man.

What’s Yo’ Beef #44

by Rachel

Rachel

When you don’t know how much dry cleaning costs so you get a Groupon thinking you will save money, and in the end you actually lose $3 because it’s SO EFFING CHEAP! I lost money on a Groupon deal… How does one do that?

Shannon

Man, so I got a sweet haircut today. Probably the best one I’ve ever had. A woman even tapped on the glass of the haircutting place and mouthed she loved my hair – SERIOUSLY. But now I have nowhere to go! (Okay, I did have a BBQ invite, but I’m headachey so am not going.) Wait. Is this now about haircuts and nowhere to go, or headaches? I can’t decide. Both! Everything!

What’s Yo’ Beef #40

by Rachel

Oh my gosh, we almost forgot AGAIN about Friday beefs. Although, it never upsets me because it usually means I don’t have much beef. Always a good thing. However, I do have a bit if a beef today…

Rachel
When your husband turns down your music and turns on the TV. HONESTLY! Just f#%@cking turn it off… That would be less annoying than listening to music AND the TV at the same time. COME ON!

Shannon

It’s true, I just haven’t had a lot of beefs lately. I have been really jonesing to go to a good concert though lately, but there just haven’t been bands I want to see, so that’s kind of annoying. It’s like all my favourite artists are just on hiatus, or else touring Europe or something. Come back to Toronto!

How To: Infuriate People

by Shannon

Get a hangnail and then don’t stop whining about it.

How To: Annoy Your Husband

by Rachel

Ask him at least once a month to help you move a piece of furniture… or, ask him to help you move three pieces in one day.

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. -Rita Rudner

How To: Avoid Going To Jail For Murder

by Shannon

Don’t read your work emails, because one of them will annoy you and you won’t be able to stop thinking about it, and you will want to kill someone when you can’t go to sleep because of it.

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