The Average Girl's "How To" Guide

Advice on how to live a well-balanced lifestyle

Category: Being Silly

How To: Blow Your Own Mind

by Shannon

Guys – this is a bit of a serious one here. So go have yourself a wild dance party, crank up the Wiz Khalifa, and come back all sweaty and euphoric.

Here’s my morning thought, that hit me as I was scrolling through my phone, deleting weird old pictures I took of my Kobo when I was reading that book 50 Cent wrote.

Do you ever just stop and think Holy Shiz, I have done so much cool stuff in my life, I can’t believe that I really got to do all this dope-ass stuff.

This is what I was thinking about. I mean, even on my phone, which I’ve only had for about six months, I was blown away by all the adventures it held memories of. Matt and Kim shows x 2 (otherwise known as just non-stop face-hurting goodness), traveling to New York with my bestie, painting my stomach, painting my face, Slumber Parties, denim vests, shot-gunning beers on my roof. And that was only like, two photos.

So here’s where I’m heading. Man, sometimes you just gotta really appreciate all the awesomeness you’ve been responsible for creating. Think of all the cool people that have come into your life and that you remember with such fondess, and then, when you feel sad, just stand on a chair and be like BUT WAIT A MINUTE. I AM PROBABLY RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S FACE-HURTING SMILE GOODNESS. THAT IS AMAZING.

We are all just tiny little blobs of organs and stuff, but one of those organs is a heart, and baby, you’re in mine.

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm, or probably also a great dance party.”

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How To: Know You’re Killing It At Life

by Shannon

When you make a great joke, the person next to you looks at you and says, “You’re looking around for someone to high-five, aren’t you?”

Yes. Yes I am.

How To: Take Things To The Next Level

by Shannon

Fake mustaches, man. They work for pretty much everything.

Example: Last night I was set to play a pretty intense game of Diplomacy, which is basically Risk, but with a 100 per cent greater chance of ruining friendships.

Now, the game on its own would already be fun. But you know what made it more fun?

Fake mustaches.

Not only will you look pretty sexy, but you will definitely weed out which of your friends are cool, and which ones refuse to put on a fake mustache. (Which means you should borrow money from them, and then immediately stop being their friend.)

I will say, as a woman, when you put a mustache on, you find out a lot of things about yourself. – Carrie Brownstein

How To: Become An Internet Sensation

by Shannon

I highly recommend choreographing a kick-ass dance to Matt & Kim’s “It’s Alright,” and then posting it to YouTube. Let the internet dollars start rolling in!

How To: Feel Uncomfortable

by Rachel

Watching early Harry Potter movies makes me feel uncomfortable because I am so attracted to Daniel Radcliffe now.

We’re baaaaaaaaack!

How To: Get Supremely Day Drunk in NYC

by Rachel

This is a good and very easy how to guys.

First, go to this restaurant, somewhere near Little Italy, I don’t even know. But I do know, they have the best Sangria I have ever tasted. Ask for it special because for some reason its not on the menu. A pitcher is best.

After this, walk on down to Bowery street and hit Paulaner Brewery. Interesting fact, its the only Paulaner brewery in the states and they have a genuine German Brew master who apprenticed at the Paulaner Brewery in Munich. He’ll make beer in front of your eyes, and he’s super friendly. Isn’t that special? Anyways, in NYC, you will soon learn they have amazing happy hour deals. Its almost worth moving there. Its actually 100% worth moving there. At Paulaner, its 2 for 1 drinks from noon to 6 on Fridays and Saturdays specifically. So, we opted for the litre stein. There were three of us, only two were drinking. We each wanted a different flavour, but our lovely, attractive, Australian with a man bun bartender misunderstood, or we miscommunicated, and he brought us three of one kind of beer, thinking we all wanted a second round of the other kind. What he must have thought of us, I do not know. Some people would be annoyed, but we couldn’t have been happier. Or drunker by the end.

Until we went to our third stop, Dahlia’s, where they make an absolutely delicious margarita. They also have super crispy complimentary tortilla chips and always have the right amount of salsa (its pretty much magic). Don’t stop at 1 margarita, they’re too good. This experience will probably bring you to peak drunkenness for the day. At least it did for us, and turned out to be everyone’s favourite day of the trip!

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer

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There’s our 3L of beer!

How To: Make the Bus Ride a Little More Enjoyable

by Rachel

Bus wiiiiiiiiiiine. You’ll be drunk by the time you get to your destination and all will be bright with the world. Make sure you have a coffee mug or opaque water bottle.

Is there anything sweeter than wine?

How To: Make The Perfect Road Trip Mix

by Shannon

Rachel and I are going on a kick-ass road trip in July, and needless to say, WE ARE SUPER EXCITED.

Rachel just got a new car, one that has a CD player, and this is big news. It means mix CDs!

In highschool we both had tape decks, and spent long hours putting together the perfect mix. To this day, I can’t hear The Used’s ‘Taste of Ink’ without thinking ‘Train in Vain’ by The Clash is coming up next.

Now, it’s been awhile since I’ve created a mix tape or a mix CD, but I’d like to think I’m up for the challenge.

I like to start off with a big crowd pleaser. Nothing too expected, no Journey or anything, but something that gets everybody going, and everybody excited.

Following that, it’s good to switch up the pace. You can do this by decade, genre, or vibe. Sometimes slow, super sad songs are really fun to sing along to, and who doesn’t like ‘Summertime’ by Mungo Jerry, amiright?

And finally, the closer. It’s gotta be good, and of course, leave everybody wanting more. A solid Beastie Boys is always a good choice, or a sweet singalong song.

What’s your favourite song to throw on a mix, the one that you can’t live without?

Now, go forth, young lovers, and make those mix CDs!

How To: Go Back To Being 16

by Shannon

Just give a good old solid listen to those songs that got you through some mad heartbreak.

Might I suggest Jimmy Eat World’s ‘Work’?

BRB, g2g bawl my eyes out.

How To: Build A Kick-Ass Robot Helmet

by Shannon

Rach and I are pretty obsessed with robots – and honestly, why not? Styx liked robots. And if Styx liked robots, well, they’re good enough for us.

On Wednesday night, we launched a new beer for Hop City Brewing – HopBot IPA. It’s pretty freaking awesome – 7.1% ABV, 70 IBUs. And it smells like everything awesome.

Anyway, the logo is a robot, and any excuse to make a robot helmet, well, I’m sure as hell going to take it.

(Disclaimer: It’s a damn good thing no one from work reads this blog, because I definitely didn’t get their permission to post these photos of them looking cooler than cool.)

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  1. First things first – go out and buy some shoes so you have some boxes. Most important step
  2. Just do some mad taping. Robots can look any way you want. I went with the basic square head, but imagination is where you have to come in, since robots lack this basic human function
  3. The add-ons are the best part. I went with a slinky on top, and some soup-can eyes. It’s also a good idea to have a handy friend around. I was just going to tape the eyes on, but my friend Dave actually went crazy and screwed them in, securing them with bolts, which is pretty awesome
  4. Spray paint, spray paint, spray paint! Though not inside, because you’ll definitely get it on the floor and walls of your condo. It was an accident, I swear!
  5. Party on!
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