How To: Keep Fit and Have Fun

by Rachel

I cannot rave enough about the fitness app My Fitness Pal by Under Armour. I have never had such an easy experience losing weight, to the point where I have accidentally lost beyond my original goal. To my surprise and delight, I am currently three pounds less than my original goal!
The key aspects I have found most helpful are:
1. It has taught me about the underlying habits in reaching the goals as opposed to just the goal itself.
2. It is much, much easier to get back into a routine with this app after holidays/trips etc that make it so hard to get back in the swing of things.
3. The numbers. Seeing the numbers in front of my face are all I need. Seeing I only have 100 calories left means I only eat 100 more calories for a bedtime snack and then I know I am done.
4. I exercise more because I want to eat more… And that’s good for all parts of the body.

Guys, if you need to, try it. Give it a few days to make it a habit because it does take time to enter your info but is very, very worth it.

How To: Be Happy AF

by Rachel

First things first, my apologies for my extensive hiatus from this blog. I really have no excuse other than just being a bit miserable… Which delightfully segues into my post today. How to be happy as f*ck!
It’s been a tough couple of years. I was in a crap relationship and felt sad and hopeless a lot of the time. Why? Because I worried too much about literally everyone else but myself. If you’re in a crap situation you have three choices:

1. Stay in it and be miserable. Not ideal.
2. Accept it and become indifferent.
3. Change it for the better and be HAPPY as F*CK!!!

I chose three. I stopped worrying about how bad it would hurt the other person and started thinking how bad it was hurting me by staying. I stopped worrying about how upset my family would be because they loved him so much and thought, I’m with me everyday and I am unhappy, I’m with my family a small fraction of the time and if they can’t handle it well, I don’t have to deal with it nearly as much as I have to deal with myself. The second part of that is never underestimate how much your family loves you (if you have a good one!). Mine ended up being very supportive and totally chill about it. I worried about money, and being on my own, I worried about his traditional family and how they would treat him… It was a non stop crap storm of worry.
Until one day, the ball started rolling. The conversation was had. The relationship was ending and a ray of sunshine burst through the clouds of crap. It was instantaneous from hopeless worrying to looking forward to the future.
So the moral of this blog post is do what you want, do what you NEED, to do to be happy. Because life sucks when you aren’t.

How To: Blow Your Own Mind

by Shannon

Guys – this is a bit of a serious one here. So go have yourself a wild dance party, crank up the Wiz Khalifa, and come back all sweaty and euphoric.

Here’s my morning thought, that hit me as I was scrolling through my phone, deleting weird old pictures I took of my Kobo when I was reading that book 50 Cent wrote.

Do you ever just stop and think Holy Shiz, I have done so much cool stuff in my life, I can’t believe that I really got to do all this dope-ass stuff.

This is what I was thinking about. I mean, even on my phone, which I’ve only had for about six months, I was blown away by all the adventures it held memories of. Matt and Kim shows x 2 (otherwise known as just non-stop face-hurting goodness), traveling to New York with my bestie, painting my stomach, painting my face, Slumber Parties, denim vests, shot-gunning beers on my roof. And that was only like, two photos.

So here’s where I’m heading. Man, sometimes you just gotta really appreciate all the awesomeness you’ve been responsible for creating. Think of all the cool people that have come into your life and that you remember with such fondess, and then, when you feel sad, just stand on a chair and be like BUT WAIT A MINUTE. I AM PROBABLY RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S FACE-HURTING SMILE GOODNESS. THAT IS AMAZING.

We are all just tiny little blobs of organs and stuff, but one of those organs is a heart, and baby, you’re in mine.

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm, or probably also a great dance party.”

How To: Mention Fart Jokes In Mainstream Media

by Shannon

Just slyly add them in to your latest Huffington Post piece on happiness. They’ll never know.

(Also hey guys click on that link, that’s where the fart jokes are, okay?)

How To: Impress the Hell Out of Me

by Rachel

Carly Rae Jepson did it, friends.

Not with her fashion sense, or her Juno awards or Grammy noms, and certainly not with her lyrics (I’m pretty sure I wrote the chorus to her new song ‘I really like you’ in a love note I wrote in grade 5)… but she did it with this video:

Yes, a third place Canadian Idol winner got TOM FUCKING HANKS to lip sync to her song for her video.

Well done, I say, well done.

I really really really really really really like you

How To: Build A Girl

by Rachel

This is not actually a how to, but kind of a perfect title for our blog style and will be a fanatical raving about this absolutely awesome book by Caitlin Moran.

I am no expert on books, I am not a writer or deep soulful type person who says things like “This book evoked a lot of feelings in me, and I really identified with the main character”… but this book evoked a lot of feelings in me, and in some ways, I kind of did identify with the main character. I don’t read many books where I really feel happiness when something good happens to a character, or a lot of sadness for the crappy situation they are growing up in, but this book does it. I found myself feeling joy for the good things and real empathy for the bad. Not to mention there are thoughts and phrases from the main character that I, myself, have thought or said myself. It always feels good to know how universal your thoughts can be, even if it is just one, or two other people in the world thinking it. And if you too, are a 29 year old woman identifying with a sexually frustrated 14-17 year old girl, well, that’s ok… you’re not alone.

So go buy it. Like, now. NOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

How To Build A Girl by Caitlin Moran.

Growing up is about keeping secrets and pretending everything is fine

How To: Make Friends at the Bar

by Rachel

This will be an ongoing post as we make friends. You see, the past few years we have been making friends in random places; bars, concerts etc, with complete strangers. Its a wonderful thing. But it wasn’t always like this, something has changed in the past few years that has somehow made us more approachable. Here are my theories.

1. Wear weird clothes that make you stand out, like a touque, or tee with a bloody beard on it.

2. Always talk to people who talk to you… Even if you’re weirded out at first, they may end up being the coolest person you know.

3. Pack some confetti is said touque and fanny pack and make it rain when you’re favorite song comes on. If the bouncer sees it on your way in, tell him its candy.

4. Get married. Because when you’re married, you ‘give up’. You’re sole purpose for going out is to have fun with your friends. You aren’t trying to get peoples attention or hook up with guys, and I think that’s attractive to other people.

5. More coming as this friend making adventure continues!

How To: Get Keanu Reeves To Notice You

by Shannon

In Step Two of my conquest to get Keanu Reeves to talk to me (Step One was the song I wrote about him in high school), I recently published an article on Huffington Post. You can click this link to the read the article and contribute to my views here.

Now, the article itself is not exactly about Keanu Reeves, but it does mention him. I’m hoping he Googles himself to the point where he sees this, and asks for my hand in friendship, which I am willing to provide.

(Oh yeah. The actual article is about how exhausting it can be to be inspired to follow your dreams, and how sometimes you just want to sit on the couch, and yo, that is totally okay, and you should not have to feel bad about that, okay?)

I, Keanu, take thee Shannon…

How To: Be a Lazy Cleaner, and Potentially Ruin Your Vacuum

by Rachel

It sounds like those two words don’t belong together: lazy and cleaner, but sometimes, if I see a bobby pin, or a small paperclip, or an elastic, I just vacuum it up instead of picking it up and putting it away.

How To: Avoid the Hassle of Showering

by Rachel

My dry shampoo be working haaaaaaaard today. I’m talking ‘double overtime, deserves a raise and a stiff drink at the end of the day’ hard.

Hard.

Thanks cake.