The Average Girl's "How To" Guide

Advice on how to live a well-balanced lifestyle

How To: Tell If You’ve Got Tonsillitis

by Shannon

Oh God, can someone please tell me? Is it tonsillitis? Is it strep? It’s strep, isn’t it.

“Laughter is the best medicine. The second best medicine is medicine.”

How To: Blow Your Own Mind

by Shannon

Guys – this is a bit of a serious one here. So go have yourself a wild dance party, crank up the Wiz Khalifa, and come back all sweaty and euphoric.

Here’s my morning thought, that hit me as I was scrolling through my phone, deleting weird old pictures I took of my Kobo when I was reading that book 50 Cent wrote.

Do you ever just stop and think Holy Shiz, I have done so much cool stuff in my life, I can’t believe that I really got to do all this dope-ass stuff.

This is what I was thinking about. I mean, even on my phone, which I’ve only had for about six months, I was blown away by all the adventures it held memories of. Matt and Kim shows x 2 (otherwise known as just non-stop face-hurting goodness), traveling to New York with my bestie, painting my stomach, painting my face, Slumber Parties, denim vests, shot-gunning beers on my roof. And that was only like, two photos.

So here’s where I’m heading. Man, sometimes you just gotta really appreciate all the awesomeness you’ve been responsible for creating. Think of all the cool people that have come into your life and that you remember with such fondess, and then, when you feel sad, just stand on a chair and be like BUT WAIT A MINUTE. I AM PROBABLY RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S FACE-HURTING SMILE GOODNESS. THAT IS AMAZING.

We are all just tiny little blobs of organs and stuff, but one of those organs is a heart, and baby, you’re in mine.

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm, or probably also a great dance party.”

How To: Fulfill Your Dreams

by Shannon

Ranging from the time I was a baby, I’ve always wanted to eat cupcakes for breakfast.

And today guys, I did it. I feel great.

I mean, this isn’t the first time I’ve done it, but I believe in achieving your dreams over and over again.

How To: Tell If You’re Having A Women’s Heart Attack

by Shannon

Oh God, can someone please tell me? Pretty sure I’m having like, six of them right now.

How To: Solve The Mystery Of Why Women Live Longer Than Men

by Shannon

Dear Science,
I wanted to send a quick note to let you know that I have solved the mystery of why women live longer than men. I would like you to read this post, an excerpt from my very favourite book/bible (How To Be A Woman, by Caitlin Moran, available on Amazon), and then realize the incredible amount of stress that we women deal with each and every day, being attacked by our own brains as if they were Gremlins and fed after midnight. It is this incredible exposure to psycho-stress that we face daily that has built up an outstanding resistance to most causes of death. For those of you scientists suggesting that men begin self-analyzing to this extent in order to join us in our octogenarian days, I would immediately ask that you stop, because otherwise I will never get to live out my Golden Girls fantasy (I’m Dorothy, obviously), and I am really looking forward to it.
Yours in science,

How To: Mention Fart Jokes In Mainstream Media

by Shannon

Just slyly add them in to your latest Huffington Post piece on happiness. They’ll never know.

(Also hey guys click on that link, that’s where the fart jokes are, okay?)

How To: Know You’re Killing It At Life

by Shannon

When you make a great joke, the person next to you looks at you and says, “You’re looking around for someone to high-five, aren’t you?”

Yes. Yes I am.

How To: Feel Okay About Being Selfish

by Shannon

I have a lot of thoughts on selfishness. Mostly, I feel that it’s important, and can help you feel good about yourself. It’s not the easiest topic to talk about without sounding like a bit of a dick, but hey, isn’t that what the internet is for?

Ready more about it on Huffington Post, who just published my latest blog on it here.

How To: Start A Revolution

by Shannon

Guys – here’s what you do. You just meet a dude at a bar who has an Idea Blog, and then you just come up with brilliant ideas.

Here’s my latest one, all about a brilliant little idea call a 2 honk horn.

How To: Impress the Hell Out of Me

by Rachel

Carly Rae Jepson did it, friends.

Not with her fashion sense, or her Juno awards or Grammy noms, and certainly not with┬áher lyrics (I’m pretty sure I wrote the chorus to her new song ‘I really like you’ in a love note I wrote in grade 5)… but she did it with this video:

Yes, a third place Canadian Idol winner got TOM FUCKING HANKS to lip sync to her song for her video.

Well done, I say, well done.

I really really really really really really like you


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