The Average Girl's "How To" Guide

Advice on how to live a well-balanced lifestyle

Tag: Drunk

How To: Get Supremely Day Drunk in NYC

by Rachel

This is a good and very easy how to guys.

First, go to this restaurant, somewhere near Little Italy, I don’t even know. But I do know, they have the best Sangria I have ever tasted. Ask for it special because for some reason its not on the menu. A pitcher is best.

After this, walk on down to Bowery street and hit Paulaner Brewery. Interesting fact, its the only Paulaner brewery in the states and they have a genuine German Brew master who apprenticed at the Paulaner Brewery in Munich. He’ll make beer in front of your eyes, and he’s super friendly. Isn’t that special? Anyways, in NYC, you will soon learn they have amazing happy hour deals. Its almost worth moving there. Its actually 100% worth moving there. At Paulaner, its 2 for 1 drinks from noon to 6 on Fridays and Saturdays specifically. So, we opted for the litre stein. There were three of us, only two were drinking. We each wanted a different flavour, but our lovely, attractive, Australian with a man bun bartender misunderstood, or we miscommunicated, and he brought us three of one kind of beer, thinking we all wanted a second round of the other kind. What he must have thought of us, I do not know. Some people would be annoyed, but we couldn’t have been happier. Or drunker by the end.

Until we went to our third stop, Dahlia’s, where they make an absolutely delicious margarita. They also have super crispy complimentary tortilla chips and always have the right amount of salsa (its pretty much magic). Don’t stop at 1 margarita, they’re too good. This experience will probably bring you to peak drunkenness for the day. At least it did for us, and turned out to be everyone’s favourite day of the trip!

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer

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There’s our 3L of beer!

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How To: Completely Suck At Blogging

by Shannon

Just stop doing it. It’s that easy!

You know what isn’t easy? Blogging. It’s such a pain in the ass sometimes.

When things are great, I’m sure as hell not interested in wasting time on the internet.

When things are shitty, I’m sure as hell not interested in reading my own whiny stuff, I’d rather just get kind of drunk and spend several hours on Buzzfeed.

Anyways. We’re back, baby. Maybe? Hopefully.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. And also makes you forget you have a blog.

How To: Make the Bus Ride a Little More Enjoyable

by Rachel

Bus wiiiiiiiiiiine. You’ll be drunk by the time you get to your destination and all will be bright with the world. Make sure you have a coffee mug or opaque water bottle.

Is there anything sweeter than wine?

What’s Yo’ Beef #29

by Rachel

Rachel

No worries about missing beef day Shannon… Trust me, I forget stuff too, in fact it’s part of my beef today.
This week’s beef is the culmination of months of mistakes, and effects of said mistakes, therefore feeling like a giant idiot.
Example 1: My cell phone bill was double the fee this month, and I said ‘whaaaaat? I definitely paid that last month’…. Turns out I still had my old cell phone provider on my list of payees for online banking. I paid them by accident, which resulted in calling and explaining and making me feel like an #idiot.
Example 2: Although a simple mistake to make, I screwed up my income on my taxes for 5 whole months. How do you go 5 months not catching a mistake? #idiot.
Example 3: I have to send an invoice to my boss in order to get paid. Today was payday… But not for me! I had an email reminder from my boss, actually completed the invoice, but somehow, forgot to send it. #idiot.
All of these realizations came to me this week. COME ON!

Shannon

I did want to make my beef today about shitty technology, and how my computer hasn’t let me on WordPress for like, the entire week, but I’ve decided I’m bigger than that.

I’ve had a pretty good week actually, so relatively low beefs on this end, but there is one thing that’s totally been getting my griddle fired up, and that’s grown-up hangovers.

I have a pretty high alcohol tolerance, thanks in part to years of training with Queen’s Players, and the fact that I work for a beer company. It’s something I’m pretty proud of, and I can definitely hold my own against people who are a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier.

But man, do I ever pay for it these days. Last night Liam and I had dinner out, where I had one beer, then we moved to a friend’s house (where I played Grand Theft Auto for the first time – what have I been missing?!), where I had one cider, and half of a beer. And I feel slightly hungover! My skin has that not-fresh feeling, my head is just sliiightly throbbing, and all I want is tomato soup (though that’s also just a regular day for me). What the dude! Grown-up hangovers man, they suck.

How To: Be Really Hungover On a Sunday

by Rachel

Watch “The World’s End” and despite the crazy plot twists allow it to inspire you to take the Golden Mile challenge: 12 pints at 12 pubs (or just 12 drinks if beer ain’t your thing). You will have one helluva fun night worth the pain in the morning.

How To: Survive A Four-Day Hangover

by Shannon

Just rotate between shovelling Tylenol, lobster, and more beer down your throat, and let the Gods work their magic.

Laughter is the best medicine, especially when it tastes like bananas.

What’s Yo’ Beef Friday #1

by Shannon

Hey friends. You might have noticed that this is the first post to shake off the “How To” theme. And well, that’s because ain’t nobody gotta tell you how to share yo’ beef.

What’s Yo’ Beef came about one morning after Rachel and her husband came up to stay. When Liam, my husband, gets super hungover, he somehow goes into robo-hilarity mode and is manic and silly and annoying to everyone else with headaches and puke vibes. However, it’s really funny. Anyway, that morning we were all complainy except for him, so he kept asking us all what our beefs were, and we all had to share them whenever he pointed at us. It was more fun than it should have been. So, in light of this great moment in history, we introduce you to…

WHAT’S YO’ BEEF FRIDAY.

Shannon:

My beef, is when you’re trying to buy a house in downtown Toronto, and you want it really big, and really nice, and lots of bedrooms, and parking for your friends, and a yard, and a finished basement, and a nice kitchen, and maybe a third floor, and not in Mimico, and other people keep outbidding you and you don’t have a house. COME ON!

Rachel:

When you get a revenue report that isn’t accurate, so you try to simply straighten it out with the boss, and it turns into a day long of emails between multiple administrative people and just becomes entirely more complicated than it should have been in the first place. COME ON!

So, what’s yo’ beef?

 

How To: Have The Best Birthday

by Shannon

Wait 27 years until it aligns perfectly with opening night of Beer Fest. Proceed to spend the entire weekend rocking out in the Moosehead tent, taking your picture with the Hop City Barking Squirrel, and drinking some sweet, sweet brews courtesy of Paulaner, Sam Adams, and Magners Cider.

Add a badass DJ, one sweet jivin’ bluegrass band, and subtract the hangover because you were smart and went back to the office where you had a Hogtown Smoke pulled pork grilled cheese waiting for you and you ate it on the streetcar because it’s your life and you’ll live it the way you want.

 

How To: Have A Great St. Patrick’s Day

by Shannon

Lie about it and tell everyone you went to all the best bars and were fine with paying $15 for your neighborhood bar that is normally empty and you were sooooo drunk, when really, you just drank at home and watched Seinfeld reruns.

How To: Really Impress Your Husband

by Shannon

For Valentine’s Day, shun flowers and teddy bears. Instead, offer to create a beer pairings dinner. Not only will he love you more than he ever has before, but you can get just a little bit weekday drunk in a totally acceptable way.

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