How To: Let Your Parents Make Your Day

by Shannon

Step One: While you’re majorly stressing your bones out at work, have your mom call you with the important news that the chocolate companies are on the tail end of a class-action lawsuit for unfairly raising chocolate bar prices, and if you go to a certain website and vouch that you spent at least $1,000 on chocolate between the years of 2005 – 2012, they will send you $50.

Step Two: Follow step one by posting something on Facebook about how parents don’t know what their kids jobs really are. Proceed to wait 30 seconds until your dad posts something about kids never want to talk to their parents when they come from school and only want to talk on the phone to their friends, then they go out and don’t tell their parents who with.

Step Three: Comment on how your Dad really ran with that one. Wait 10 seconds until he comments about a Beatles picture he bought online that arrived that day.

And there you have it. Your parents have inadvertently made you realise that your stressy-outty job is just small bananas compared to the wonderfulness that is their life. Go ahead, let that smile light up your face.

Parents. Am I right?

How To: Turn Into Your Parents

by Shannon

Find yourself in bed before 10 p.m. on a Friday (a Friday!), and up before 8 a.m. the next morning. What the dude?

How To: Care For Curly Hair

by Shannon

I originally meant this to be a snarky post, all like, “If you find out, tell me, because I have severe difficulties.” But then I thought, you know what, my hair isn’t that brutal errrrrryday, so, I will take a note from my new blog friend (OMG) Jess and explain my daily routine.

This all started because a co-worker of mine couldn’t believe I didn’t wash my hair. As in, I haven’t touched a bottle of shampoo in about two years. My hair just doesn’t shampoo well. It gets dry and feels weird and just doesn’t feel like hair anymore to me. The oils and shiz that build up on straight-hair and make you look sick and gross and weird happen to help weigh my hair down to a somewhat manageable volume.

I also don’t brush my hair. It’s impossible. Sometimes I let my mom do it when I go home to visit my parents, but that’s more for the excellent scalp vibe (you know what I’m talking about, don’t lie and be weird) than the brushing itself. Brushing is instant death to curly hair. It rips the curl, it blows it up, and then it just vomits all over it. If you have curly hair, and you have issues with it, FOR THE LOVE OF KEANU REEVES STOP BRUSHING YOUR HAIR.

Man, that took a lot out of me. Forget things to do, just don’t do the above and I’ll get to other tips later, yo.

In the meantime, my curly hair is still far from perfect, so if you do have great tips, send ’em through!

And God said, Let there be curls

How To: Get Your Dad Mad At You When You’re 12

by Shannon

Ask your Dad if you can go to the Dunsford Dance at the community centre. This will get him a good “base” mad, because he won’t want you to  go, but he’ll feel too bad to not let you.

During dinner the night of the dance, when he asks you if you’re planning to wear a shirt that tucks in, tell him yes. Proceed to go put on a belly top (that does not, obviously, tuck in), and hide a shirt (that does tuck in) in the bathroom cupboard. Put your coat on and run into your friend’s mom’s van, which is waiting outside.

Have a great time at the dance.

When you get home and your Dad meets you at the door, tell him you have to go to the bathroom so bad you can’t be bothered to take off your coat. When he tells you this is silly, and take off your coat right now, try to hide the fact you’re wearing a belly shirt. When it doesn’t work, you have succeeded, and your Dad is now really mad at you.