When you return from a 4-day work trip, just leave your suitcase out on the floor in the living room for a few days.
Bonus if there are still clothes in it you haven’t put away, and your condo is only 640 square feet!
My beef today is about people who snore. It might be the most annoying sound in my world. Even if I’m not trying to sleep and someone is snoring near me I want to rip out my earballs. I feel terrible because obviously they aren’t out to annoy me and can’t help it… Buy my goodness. It is partially my fault. If we go back a beef or two I talked about staying up too late. My husband gets to bed before me and by the time I’m ready he is soundly snoring away, whereas if I went to bed early like him I can get to sleep before it starts and stay asleep. But still, snoring, COME ON!
Beefs. Everyone’s got ’em. Today, mine is indecisiveness, and for the first time in awhile, this beef is about me, not other people.
Usually I’m pretty good at just making my decisions and sticking with them, but this past weekend has just been a mess in that regard. My husband is going to Kingston, where we went to university, to celebrate Halloween with a friend we have doing his Ph.D there. I was originally planning on going, until I realized that this would make an entire month of not being home on the weekends, and I just caved and opted to stay home and work and sleep instead. But then he started going on about this party, and it sounded great, and I’ve just flip-flopped about 30 times. It’s brutal.
I hate to say it, but for this week’s post, step one is having your husband go away for the weekend, like on an annual sports trip with his Dad, or moose hunting or something.
Then, hang out with friends Friday night – maybe at a special Shabbat Shalom Birthday Dinner? Make sure you ask them to print out the Kiddish words, so you can sing along. It’s really fun, educational, and challah bread is so damn delicious.
Proceed to do some cleaning on Saturday, watch the end of Girls, season two, go shopping and buy some stuff, and then make yourself a fabulous dinner and have all the snacks you want.
Have a wonderful sleep with all the blankets because there’s no one telling you the comforter makes him “too hot” in September, and sleep with all the blinds open to take advantage of your amazing Toronto view and glass walls, because it won’t wake you up, because you have your eye mask on that you have to sleep with because your optometrist says you sleep with your eyes a little bit open and dust and shit fly in there at night. When you wake up, it will be glorious.
Sure, you have to do work the next day, but just work it baby, work it. You deserve this special, special weekend.
You tell him that the reason you couldnt wait until he left the house Friday night was because you wanted to Google the lyrics to Gorillaz “Clint Eastwood” and rap along, and he just laughs at you, then laughs even harder when you tell him you did it six times.
A real friend would understand, and offer to do the chorus with you, am I right?
I got sunshine in a bag
The other night I was at my brother-in-law’s, and his German girlfriend made us schnitzel for dinner. I point out that she’s German because I feel, in a somewhat racisty sort of way I guess? that this makes her an expert on making schnitzel. It’s cool though, we’re friends.
It being 9:30 p.m. and having not yet had dinner after donating blood, my hungry husband decided that this was the perfect time for me to make it. Well wasn’t that nice of him.
This was my attempt:
Step One: Assemble all ingredients so it looks like I’m on a cooking show. It’s very impractical, but Ooh, look at my fancy spice jars that are old sauce jars! Aah, look at my eggs all pre-cracked! The chocolate milk wasn’t part of the recipe, I just really like chocolate milk and was thirsty. Bonus! It’s on sale at Metro for only $1.
Step Two: Shake out a bunch of bread crumbs onto a little plate, along with some parmesan and, I don’t know, oregano? The green spice in your cupboard will do nicely. Mix some eggs in a bowl. Drink some chocolate milk.
Step Three: Take your pork and cover it with the egg, then lay it on the crumb plate. Flip ‘er over and throw it in a pan with oil. Oh yeah, and put oil in a pan and heat it up.
Step Four: Just watch it cook, flip it, and eat it when it’s at that perfect, ‘tender-but-won’t-give-you-food-poisoning’ level.
Have a dream where he stole your engagement ring and made a nose-ring out of it, and then stole your actual nose-ring too.
What a jerk.
Seriously, I would love some advice.
Headed to Boston this weekend with OMGmYHuSbAnD!LOVE4EVER and I have no idea what to pack.
Here’s what I’m planning on:
Obviously I’m a really good traveller.
The road goes ever on and on, and I didn’t bring enough to wear