The day before you’re supposed to head to Cuba, you wake up with a weird eye infection thingy. Hurray!
Ride the subway in morning rush hour. Don’t forget to tell all your friends, or it didn’t really happen.
There’s Twitter now – you don’t need to watch the Oscars live anymore.
Have a wonderful lunch to look forward to all morning, and then eat it, and it’s every bit as good as you dreamed.
Make a delicious stew after dinner one fine evening, but then realize the slow cooker pot is still too hot from all the electricity it used to put in your refrigerator and you want to go to bed. Darn.
Watch The Godfather. Whoa! Suddenly everything makes sense.
Wipe down your machine afterwards. Otherwise, everyone will hate your guts, and say, “Dick” after you leave, but under their breath, just in case you can kind of still hear them.
For Valentine’s Day, shun flowers and teddy bears. Instead, offer to create a beer pairings dinner. Not only will he love you more than he ever has before, but you can get just a little bit weekday drunk in a totally acceptable way.
The Average Girl's "How To" Guide 