The Average Girl's "How To" Guide

Advice on how to live a well-balanced lifestyle

Category: Being Pimps

How To: Make A Fancy Snack

by Shannon

I used to work in Public Relations, and one of my clients was Loblaws. I loved working for those guys, and one of the best perks was a holiday “gift” they gave us, where we attended a class at their Maple Leaf Gardens locations and learned to make some kick-ass food with Chef Maria.

We made a few dishes, but the one that really stuck with me was easy, delicious, and pretty damn fancy. Here’s the gist:

Ingredients

  • Sliced Baguette
  • Black Label Cherry Shiraz Jam
  • Sliced Granny Smith Apples
  • Old Cheddar Cheese
  • Maple Syrup
  • Oil

First, spread some oil lightly over your slices of baguette, and throw them in the oven until they just start to get crispy. I’m not going to tell you for how long, or at what temperature, it’s not rocket science. (It’s probably around 350 degrees and for 6 minutes, for those of you who freak out and follow recipes to the T. COUGH my husband.)

Take them out, and spread each slice with a bit of the jam. You could probably use any jam for this, but the Black Label really makes a difference. Then, place your thinly sliced apples on top, add some cheese, and very lightly drizzle the maple sizzurp over everything. Put back in the oven until the cheese is melted to your pleasure.

Eat, and enjoy. Perfect for fancy parties, impressing your boyfriend’s parents, or just to you know, treat yo’self.

 

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How To: Count Yourself Lucky

by Shannon

You got to Loblaw’s┬áto get boring groceries, and 1L’s of chocolate milk are on sale.

How To: Have A Great International Flight

by Shannon

First of all, make sure you’re traveling to an awesome city, like Amsterdam. It’ll make everything seem better.

Then, get to the airport the required 2-3 hours early for your flight, because you kind of like hanging out in airports – there’s so much to do! Try not to be disappointed though when the computers at check-in break down, and you spend that entire time waiting in line. And don’t get too freaked out (re: super pissed) when you’re still waiting in the check-in line past the time they close your gate. And just keep holding on to those warm, fuzzy feelings when you realize that for whatever reason, they’re not seating people together, and you and your husband are sitting in non-beside-each-other seats for your, you know, honeymoon and all.

Proceed to race to the gate and basically just walk right on to the plane. This is where it really starts getting good.

You and your dude are waiting to see who’s seatmate will be willing to switch. Turns out, it’s the guy next to him. Which means – exit row! Extra leg room! Closer to the front of the plane! Only one couple in front of you! This is great news.

Next on the docket for your great flight? Why, it’s free beer, of course, because this is a long flight, and they need to really ply people to get them to chill the hell out. And, you brought your Lime Flavoured Tostitos on the flight, so that’s cool. Proceed to watch Goodfellas, and then read Twilight on your new Kobo, and you don’t care who knows it.

Oh, and don’t forget to get some sleep on your red eye flight. The complementary eye mask, pair of socks, and ear plugs ought to help!

Land in Amsterdam, safe and sound. Done and done.

I’m pimpin’ all over the world – Ludacris

How To: Save Your Eardrums

by Shannon

For quite some time now, I’ve been freaked out about my hearing, and how shitty earbuds are for your ears. However, I still plug ’em in and listen to music at work everyday, because as mentioned in a previous post, I can’t get enough of Justin Beiber, apparently.

That’s when I decided to invest in a pair of these bad boys:

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These bad boys are, with tax and shipping (which is totally free, and totally fast), less than $40. I’ve only been wearing them for a few hours, but Coloud, I am exceptionally pleased so far.

Plus, they look bitchin’. So invest in a pair of headphones that let you listen to the sweet, sweet dulcet sounds of Justin Beiber The National and treasure your hearing for years to come.

How To: Have The Best Birthday

by Shannon

Wait 27 years until it aligns perfectly with opening night of Beer Fest. Proceed to spend the entire weekend rocking out in the Moosehead tent, taking your picture with the Hop City Barking Squirrel, and drinking some sweet, sweet brews courtesy of Paulaner, Sam Adams, and Magners Cider.

Add a badass DJ, one sweet jivin’ bluegrass band, and subtract the hangover because you were smart and went back to the office where you had a Hogtown Smoke pulled pork grilled cheese waiting for you and you ate it on the streetcar because it’s your life and you’ll live it the way you want.

 

How To: Have A Great Theatre Experience

by Shannon

Just go see The To-Do List, because it’s really fantastic. Seriously, look at this cast list below. Every time someone came on the screen, I was all, Whoa, they’re sooooooo funny.

– Aubrey Plaza
– Donald Glover
– Bill Hader
– Christopher Mintz-Plasse
– Alia Shawkat (Maeby from Arrested Development. Come on!)
– Rachel Bilson
– Andy Samberg
– D.C. Pierson
– Dominic Dierkes (with Donald Glover and the guy above, the guys from Derrick Comedy. They are the best)

Awesome, awesome movie. It reminds me of the Snogging Scale lists that Rachel and I used to keep, and how we’d tally up our total scores to determine if we were being slutty or not. Don’t worry, we weren’t. We were just making up for lost time, because we were very responsible in high school.

Thanks She Does The City for hooking me up with some sweet, sweet tickets. And thanks God, for inventing movie theatre popcorn.

I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up sex for lunch

How To: Experience Real Disappointment

by Shannon

Ask someone where they got their sweater because you really like it and you’ve been looking for one just like it and you got up the nerve to ask them and everything, then hear them say, Oh, it’s last season. Joe Fresh, great price. They probably don’t make them anymore.”

How To: Spend $100 At The Gap

by Shannon

Just redeem those lovely, love Air Miles that you’ve been collecting (gee, thanks Metro and LCBO for your bonus points!) for a $25 Gap gift card.

Proceed to not be able to limit yourself to $25, obvi, and spend about a million dollars there.

How To: Fall In Love With Canada

by Shannon

Just visit the Drake General Store, because it’s the absolute best.

Please buy me everything, including a Hudson’s Bay tee-shirt, an Ontario toque, this blanket, and like, a bunch of random stuff that just looks cool. But not the provinces tee because I already have that, okay?

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