The Average Girl's "How To" Guide

Advice on how to live a well-balanced lifestyle

Tag: Wedding

How To: Dry Clean Your Clothes

by Shannon

First off – and this is key – ensure your infant son hasn’t pooped in five days.

Five.

Days.

Then just head to a wedding, letting your offspring, with his tiny baby ears, overhear you say that your shirt could really use a solid dry clean.

He will immediately lose his shit (literally) over your friend’s karaoke tribute of Still Dre, and unleash five days of poo out of his butt.

He’s so sweet.

Representin’ for the gangsters all across the world, because they were tied up and couldn’t be with us here today.

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How To: Make All Your Teachers Proud

by Shannon

Realize there’s an error on your wedding invites, and personally adjust every single one of them by hand. Grammar’s my bitch.

How To: Be Craaaazy Stressed Out

by Shannon

Work a full time job and plan your wedding at the same time.

How To: Regret Only One Tiny Thing About Your Wedding

by Shannon

It’s not a Seinfeld-themed wedding.

 

Yet.

How To: Not Act Surprised

by Shannon

Go around the corner to gasp in surprise when you discover the level of excitement he’s exhibiting over shopping for wedding clothes.

How To: Appear Exceptionally Generous

by Shannon

Purchase a gift card for someone with a collection of money from a group of people.

The salesperson will think you’re a generous, kind-hearted squillionaire. Plus, you’ll get lots of Scene points on your credit card.

How To: Tell If Anti-Burn Cream Is Effective

by Shannon

Burn off all the hair on your arm while trying to light your Coleman stove.

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