The Average Girl's "How To" Guide

Advice on how to live a well-balanced lifestyle

Month: March, 2013

How To: Eat A Liquid Diet

by Shannon

Drink chocolate milk. That shit’s like a meal.

How To: Carry A Purse, Without Carrying A Purse

by Shannon

That’s what bras are for, right?

How To: Sprain Your Ankle

by Shannon

Fall down because you’re pretending you can’t walk anymore because you’re so hungry because someone scheduled two meetings during your regular lunchtime.

How To: Have Too Much Of A Good Thing

by Shannon

Pizza. It’s always damn pizza.

How To: Have A Great St. Patrick’s Day

by Shannon

Lie about it and tell everyone you went to all the best bars and were fine with paying $15 for your neighborhood bar that is normally empty and you were sooooo drunk, when really, you just drank at home and watched Seinfeld reruns.

How To: Fall Asleep Easily

by Shannon

Eat a pound of wings and take a long, hot car ride.

How To: Realize You Need To Stop Watching TV

by Shannon

You come home to find your husband has set the table, and you’re all like, This looks alien to me.

How To: Really Enjoy Going To Work

by Shannon

Plant something delicious to eat in your cupboard. Mmm!

How To: Look Like An Alcoholic (Without Actually Being One)

by Shannon

Catch a cold that requires you to blow your nose a lot. You will develop that nice, rosy kind that old men who have been drinking steadily for 70 years get.

Bonus: Having a foggy brain and moving slowly only aid in the ruse that you had vodka with your cereal instead of milk, today.

How To: Tell Daylight Saving Time Has Happened

by Shannon

You wake up in the middle of the night to an emergency phone call, only to realize it’s actually your alarm, even though it looks like 3 a.m. outside. Also, it’s raining!

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