Drink chocolate milk. That shit’s like a meal.
Fall down because you’re pretending you can’t walk anymore because you’re so hungry because someone scheduled two meetings during your regular lunchtime.
Lie about it and tell everyone you went to all the best bars and were fine with paying $15 for your neighborhood bar that is normally empty and you were sooooo drunk, when really, you just drank at home and watched Seinfeld reruns.
Eat a pound of wings and take a long, hot car ride.
You come home to find your husband has set the table, and you’re all like, This looks alien to me.
Plant something delicious to eat in your cupboard. Mmm!
Catch a cold that requires you to blow your nose a lot. You will develop that nice, rosy kind that old men who have been drinking steadily for 70 years get.
Bonus: Having a foggy brain and moving slowly only aid in the ruse that you had vodka with your cereal instead of milk, today.