The Average Girl's "How To" Guide

Advice on how to live a well-balanced lifestyle

Category: Being Social

How To: Blow Your Own Mind

by Shannon

Guys – this is a bit of a serious one here. So go have yourself a wild dance party, crank up the Wiz Khalifa, and come back all sweaty and euphoric.

Here’s my morning thought, that hit me as I was scrolling through my phone, deleting weird old pictures I took of my Kobo when I was reading that book 50 Cent wrote.

Do you ever just stop and think Holy Shiz, I have done so much cool stuff in my life, I can’t believe that I really got to do all this dope-ass stuff.

This is what I was thinking about. I mean, even on my phone, which I’ve only had for about six months, I was blown away by all the adventures it held memories of. Matt and Kim shows x 2 (otherwise known as just non-stop face-hurting goodness), traveling to New York with my bestie, painting my stomach, painting my face, Slumber Parties, denim vests, shot-gunning beers on my roof. And that was only like, two photos.

So here’s where I’m heading. Man, sometimes you just gotta really appreciate all the awesomeness you’ve been responsible for creating. Think of all the cool people that have come into your life and that you remember with such fondess, and then, when you feel sad, just stand on a chair and be like BUT WAIT A MINUTE. I AM PROBABLY RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S FACE-HURTING SMILE GOODNESS. THAT IS AMAZING.

We are all just tiny little blobs of organs and stuff, but one of those organs is a heart, and baby, you’re in mine.

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm, or probably also a great dance party.”

How To: Solve The Mystery Of Why Women Live Longer Than Men

by Shannon

Dear Science,
I wanted to send a quick note to let you know that I have solved the mystery of why women live longer than men. I would like you to read this post, an excerpt from my very favourite book/bible (How To Be A Woman, by Caitlin Moran, available on Amazon), and then realize the incredible amount of stress that we women deal with each and every day, being attacked by our own brains as if they were Gremlins and fed after midnight. It is this incredible exposure to psycho-stress that we face daily that has built up an outstanding resistance to most causes of death. For those of you scientists suggesting that men begin self-analyzing to this extent in order to join us in our octogenarian days, I would immediately ask that you stop, because otherwise I will never get to live out my Golden Girls fantasy (I’m Dorothy, obviously), and I am really looking forward to it.
Yours in science,
Shannon

How To: Know You’re Killing It At Life

by Shannon

When you make a great joke, the person next to you looks at you and says, “You’re looking around for someone to high-five, aren’t you?”

Yes. Yes I am.

How To: Feel Okay About Being Selfish

by Shannon

I have a lot of thoughts on selfishness. Mostly, I feel that it’s important, and can help you feel good about yourself. It’s not the easiest topic to talk about without sounding like a bit of a dick, but hey, isn’t that what the internet is for?

Ready more about it on Huffington Post, who just published my latest blog on it here.

How To: Make Friends at the Bar

by Rachel

This will be an ongoing post as we make friends. You see, the past few years we have been making friends in random places; bars, concerts etc, with complete strangers. Its a wonderful thing. But it wasn’t always like this, something has changed in the past few years that has somehow made us more approachable. Here are my theories.

1. Wear weird clothes that make you stand out, like a touque, or tee with a bloody beard on it.

2. Always talk to people who talk to you… Even if you’re weirded out at first, they may end up being the coolest person you know.

3. Pack some confetti is said touque and fanny pack and make it rain when you’re favorite song comes on. If the bouncer sees it on your way in, tell him its candy.

4. Get married. Because when you’re married, you ‘give up’. You’re sole purpose for going out is to have fun with your friends. You aren’t trying to get peoples attention or hook up with guys, and I think that’s attractive to other people.

5. More coming as this friend making adventure continues!

How To: Take Things To The Next Level

by Shannon

Fake mustaches, man. They work for pretty much everything.

Example: Last night I was set to play a pretty intense game of Diplomacy, which is basically Risk, but with a 100 per cent greater chance of ruining friendships.

Now, the game on its own would already be fun. But you know what made it more fun?

Fake mustaches.

Not only will you look pretty sexy, but you will definitely weed out which of your friends are cool, and which ones refuse to put on a fake mustache. (Which means you should borrow money from them, and then immediately stop being their friend.)

I will say, as a woman, when you put a mustache on, you find out a lot of things about yourself. – Carrie Brownstein

How To: Get Supremely Day Drunk in NYC

by Rachel

This is a good and very easy how to guys.

First, go to this restaurant, somewhere near Little Italy, I don’t even know. But I do know, they have the best Sangria I have ever tasted. Ask for it special because for some reason its not on the menu. A pitcher is best.

After this, walk on down to Bowery street and hit Paulaner Brewery. Interesting fact, its the only Paulaner brewery in the states and they have a genuine German Brew master who apprenticed at the Paulaner Brewery in Munich. He’ll make beer in front of your eyes, and he’s super friendly. Isn’t that special? Anyways, in NYC, you will soon learn they have amazing happy hour deals. Its almost worth moving there. Its actually 100% worth moving there. At Paulaner, its 2 for 1 drinks from noon to 6 on Fridays and Saturdays specifically. So, we opted for the litre stein. There were three of us, only two were drinking. We each wanted a different flavour, but our lovely, attractive, Australian with a man bun bartender misunderstood, or we miscommunicated, and he brought us three of one kind of beer, thinking we all wanted a second round of the other kind. What he must have thought of us, I do not know. Some people would be annoyed, but we couldn’t have been happier. Or drunker by the end.

Until we went to our third stop, Dahlia’s, where they make an absolutely delicious margarita. They also have super crispy complimentary tortilla chips and always have the right amount of salsa (its pretty much magic). Don’t stop at 1 margarita, they’re too good. This experience will probably bring you to peak drunkenness for the day. At least it did for us, and turned out to be everyone’s favourite day of the trip!

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer

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There’s our 3L of beer!

How To: Not Spend Too Much Money on a Night Out

by Rachel

Last night Shannon and I KILLED it at the bar… Without spending a buttload of money. Here’s the tricks:
-Take a set amount of money, we only took $20 each
-Seek out bars that have no cover
-Drink whatever’s on special (we got lucky since a pint of Rickard’s was $5)
-Don’t tip too much… Maybe just leave a tooney at the end of the night (sounds cheap but really? A buck a drink is a lot)
-Barter!
-Prep yourself some snacks so that they are ready and go straight home after the bar… Food really adds up and in a drunken state you will not think about what you are spending

Then go to sleep and wake up the next morning feeling good that you didn’t spend too much and didn’t drink too much!

How To: Make a Giant Jenga

by Rachel

All you need is a whooooole bunch of 12 inch 2×4 lumber. 54 pieces to be exact.

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Stack ’em up and knock ’em down!
If you get bored with it, make it a truth or dare Jenga. Write a truth or dare on each block and a T or D on the ends so people can choose what they want… But since Jenga IS Jenga, they may have to take what they don’t want in order for the tower not to fall. That’s what makes it exciting!

Pull ’em, Stack ’em, Don’t let ’em Topple!

What’s Yo’ Beef #39

by Rachel

Rachel
Its hard to have what’s yo’ beef day when you haven’t had many beefs. Like Shannon’s last post, I’ve just been in a great mood since our trip, and since coming back it’s like I have a whole new outlook on life! I’m not sure why it was this trip and not others, but my priorities have really changed. I have always hated working and never loved my job, but I have really been respecting work a lot more lately, because I know I need it to have more experiences and go on trips. I have been a lot less materialistic because I want to save and I don’t want to spend money on stuff that I’m not going to care about having a year later. I’ve even been watching less TV and on the internet less (I haven’t been on pinterest for two weeks!) because I have been inspired by the people I met and started playing guitar with that time instead. And that’s why I am on such a high still because it has actually made me a better person, according to me.
Now, I actually did come on here to write a backwards beef, when something is so great that it interferes with more great things. Like when you have so many fun plans for the summer, that you are too busy to do other fun things you get invited to because you are already doing something awesome. I just wish there were five of me, and every week we would have a meeting about how much fun we each had.

Shannon

I’m really digging that 5 clone comment and just having a status meeting with each other once a week. I’m all for it!

My beef is similar to Rachel’s right now, in that I want more time. Mainly, I’ve been feeling more creative lately (also a trip side effect), and have been writing short stories and drawing more. And like Rachel, I really want to keep this up, but I just don’t have the time.

As a secondary beef to that, I’m moving in a month, and I stupidly packed all my craft supplies already, so that’s a real bitch.

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