The Average Girl's "How To" Guide

Advice on how to live a well-balanced lifestyle

Tag: poo

How To: Dry Clean Your Clothes

by Shannon

First off – and this is key – ensure your infant son hasn’t pooped in five days.

Five.

Days.

Then just head to a wedding, letting your offspring, with his tiny baby ears, overhear you say that your shirt could really use a solid dry clean.

He will immediately lose his shit (literally) over your friend’s karaoke tribute of Still Dre, and unleash five days of poo out of his butt.

He’s so sweet.

Representin’ for the gangsters all across the world, because they were tied up and couldn’t be with us here today.

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How To: Really Test Your Relationship

by Shannon

Stay in a hotel. We guarantee there won’t be a fan in the bathroom, because why would you want a fan in a bathroom when the person you’re staying with is ten feet away and maybe you have to poo, or they have to poo, or someone pukes because they’re hungover or maybe you just don’t want them to hear your amazing shower rendition of Macy Gray’s I Try.

Friend, lover, or grandparent, we guarantee, this will accelerate your relationship by 15 years.

I try to say goodbye and I choke, I try to walk away but I stumble because you left your shoes in the doorway yet again.

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