The Average Girl's "How To" Guide

Advice on how to live a well-balanced lifestyle

Month: September, 2013

What’s Your Beef #6

by Shannon

Shannon

Today, my beef is all about making plans – or should I say not making plans. What’s the weird fear that people have of committing to something? Or even worse, those people who won’t commit to something until someone else does, and they just leave you hanging. Dude. Just do stuff, it’s super fun, so stop being a baby. COME ON!

Rachel

Today, my beef is working. Am I right? I mean, don’t you think 5 days a week is a bit overkill? If everything was a bit less expensive we could all work 4 days a week and life would be so much better. COME ON!

Work to Live, don’t Live to Work

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How To: Realize Your Husband Is Not Your Friend

by Shannon

You tell him that the reason you couldnt wait until he left the house Friday night was because you wanted to Google the lyrics to Gorillaz “Clint Eastwood” and rap along, and he just laughs at you, then laughs even harder when you tell him you did it six times.

A real friend would understand, and offer to do the chorus with you, am I right?

I got sunshine in a bag

How To: Let Your Parents Make Your Day

by Shannon

Step One: While you’re majorly stressing your bones out at work, have your mom call you with the important news that the chocolate companies are on the tail end of a class-action lawsuit for unfairly raising chocolate bar prices, and if you go to a certain website and vouch that you spent at least $1,000 on chocolate between the years of 2005 – 2012, they will send you $50.

Step Two: Follow step one by posting something on Facebook about how parents don’t know what their kids jobs really are. Proceed to wait 30 seconds until your dad posts something about kids never want to talk to their parents when they come from school and only want to talk on the phone to their friends, then they go out and don’t tell their parents who with.

Step Three: Comment on how your Dad really ran with that one. Wait 10 seconds until he comments about a Beatles picture he bought online that arrived that day.

And there you have it. Your parents have inadvertently made you realise that your stressy-outty job is just small bananas compared to the wonderfulness that is their life. Go ahead, let that smile light up your face.

Parents. Am I right?

How To: Feel Like You’re In College Again

by Rachel

In my profession, I have to take continuing education courses. Sometimes, it’s nice to be back in the classroom. Feels like being in college again, and college is AWESOME. This past weekend I had a course at 9:30am, and it did make me feel like I was in college again. Especially since I went out partying the night before, went to bed late, was tired and a bit cranky, and texted/facebooked on my phone throughout the class. Ah college…

No one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

How To: Feel Like There Is Nothing Left To Live For

by Shannon

If you live in Toronto and have friends, you’ve probably been to the Dance Cave at some point. Sure, it might have been ten years ago when it was age-appropriate for you,  but no matter.

Given the above is true, you’ll know who I mean when I reference the guy in pajamas at Dance Cave. He wears the same pair, every single night. I’ve been there in the winter, the summer, early, late, Friday’s, and Saturdays, and this dude is there, without fail.

It’s reassuring. It’s a reminder that although things change, and you may no longer enter with the same friends, or leave with the same hook-up, there’s always that one constant in the universe that let’s you know it’s going to be okay. You’re still the same person, and the world is safe.

Until the day you see the Pajama Man in normal clothes, bringing his pajamas behind the DJ booth to change.

All of a sudden, your walls start to crumble. You second guess why you’re even there. You become more aware that they just played Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, Shout, and I Will Survive right in a row, and how shitty that is. You feel the floor shake beneath you and think, Hey, that’s probably not up to code. You look at the water on the edge of the bar and wonder, Why has no one removed those, they’re super easy to roofie. You look at the weird couple who aren’t actually dancing, just jumping, and you’re all, Hey, that’s probably a good workout. You see the couple making out and ponder if they’ve been HIV-tested and have shared this information with their new partner.

In short, you feel old. Old, and alone, and like nothing is ever sacred anymore. Pajama Man – you have let me down.

I may be getting older, but I’ll be damned if I stop using my student ID to get into places for free

How To: Get Really Excited About The Weekend

by Shannon

Can you say Slumber Party?!

What’s Yo’ Beef #5

by Rachel

Rachel 

Well, it’s an old age beef this week folks. You put your laundry out to dry, you feel really good about it because you’re saving energy and being green. Then it rains. And the weather app on your phone sucks so you didn’t know that. Now, all your clothes are damp on the line and after all that effort of putting it up, you throw it in the dryer anyways. Some of the things you hang dry in the basement, and when you put it on the next day, it stinks, and you have to wash it all over again. COME ON!

Shannon

My beef is when you’re sitting in traffic, waiting to get home at 7:16 on a Friday night, and a big ass stupid transport truck is trying to back into a tiny space on a main road and is taking up everywhere. COME ON!!

Share your beef with us, but only if it’s medium rare.

How To: Sexify Your Bedroom

by Rachel

I got on a real kick recently on making my master bedroom look a little more grown up… sexy if you will. When I mentioned it to my husband he thought it was a GREAT idea, and then I got to go shopping for new bedroom decor (win win!). He even suggested painting the walls (which would be the second time since moving in) because the colour we chose originally is pretty shitty. Like literally, it’s poo coloured. Not really sure what we were thinking but we finally clued in and we now have a sexy bedroom and a great how to!

First of all, switching up the curtains made a HUGE difference in adding sexiness. We had thick brown curtains (yuk) and switched to black sheer. They are not too sheer that people can see in, and it kinda looks like lingerie for your windows.

The second major mood changer was painting our room almost black. I absolutely love it. It’s called Iron Ore from Sherwin Williams. On it’s own it looks black, but if you get something black beside it it looks like a very dark charcoal. It’s fantastic. Minus the bright green make up desk, I have taken a lot of the bright colours out of the room (my husband wants the green out too, he thinks it ruins the mood). It kind of feels a bit kiddish with too much colour, so the rest of the house is making up for the lack of colour in our room.

Up the candle count. There is a reason that romantic scenes in movies and tv have tons of candles.

I am a firm believer that there should not be any photo’s in your master bedroom other than some of each other or a place you’ve been. No family photo’s, no friend photo’s, not even pets! This, of course, is a personal preference, I just feel it’s hard to get sexy when there’s a picture of your parents sitting on the dresser. The art work in the third picture I grabbed at a university poster sale 8 years ago and damn they came in handy for our sexy bedroom! They are called ‘Girl’ and ‘Antonia’ by Charles Mackesy. Also in the third photo is our new bedside tables. They were $10 each and we glammed them up with silver spray paint and new hardware (the old ones were bright green). It looks fantastic paired with the rustic barn board of our bed.

Find pretty things for your room. Example, pretty scarves for draping, glass vases, and mirrors. I am a little obsessed with mirrors. The count is up to 6 in our room so far. It’s great wall decor as opposed to those family photos!

Lastly, keeping things tidy really helps. Being surrounded by clutter just makes you feel like you should be cleaning up. I NEVER used to make my bed, but now I do just because it looks so nice when it is made! I also had plastic hooks on the back of our door into the bedroom that was always piled with clothes. I moved it to the inside of the closet door. Out of sight, out of mind. I also plan to get some nice laundry baskets with lids to hide the piles of laundry in each of our corners of the room.

I am so happy with the results, a couple months ago I figured this would take me a year, but everything just showed up… mirrors in thrift stores, cheap new side tables, paint sales… all I need to go is a nice chandelier and ceiling medallion and the transformation will be complete.

I’m [Rachel], but you can call me sexy. Everyone else does. –The Darkest Kiss

How To: Survive A Four-Day Hangover

by Shannon

Just rotate between shovelling Tylenol, lobster, and more beer down your throat, and let the Gods work their magic.

Laughter is the best medicine, especially when it tastes like bananas.

How To: Ruin Your Baking

by Rachel

Try to make your baked goods ‘healthy’.

Try to substitute things that you have no idea if they are substitutable or not.

Also, don’t measure stuff all the time.

Try to make regular recipes refined sugar free or gluten free.

Do these things, and you will end up with super gross gooey baking, or baking that’s so dry it sucks all the saliva out of your mouth. Luckily, it’s not a complete waste. If you have a husband, he will probably eat it all up anyways.

 

Good things come to those who bake

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