How To: Find Your Future Wife

by Shannon

This post is for all the fella’s out there, so listen up.

As you may know, when you go to a wedding, one of the traditions is throwing the bouquet and/or garter. While I think this is just a tiny bit dumb (my bouquet was pinecones, and would have taken someone’s eye out), it can be fun to watch if you’re already married and don’t have to make an ass of yourself.

At a recent wedding I was at, all the dudes gathered together for the garter toss. One lad in particular was, how shall I say, awkwardly over-eager to catch the bouquet. No one else even looked like they were going for it, so it looked like he had it in the bag.

However, at the last second, one of the other guys pulled an Indiana Jones and slid underneath another dude and grabbed the garter right out of the first guy’s hands. It was very impressive. He had just stolen the first guy’s future wife! Problem solved.

Wondering what happened to the first guy? Well, he got real pissy and it was extra funny for the rest of us.

The lesson here, as it always is in life, is don’t be a baby.

The early bird gets the worm, but sometimes another bird steals that worm out of the first bird’s mouth, and it’s probably better than waking up early