The Average Girl's "How To" Guide

Advice on how to live a well-balanced lifestyle

How To: Avoid Dating

by Shannon

If there’s one thing I’ve noticed lately, in an overarching general and unscientific sense, it’s that single guys are basically women.

Now, when I say “women,” I mean in all the stereotypical senses of the word, so don’t go getting all offended on me ladies, because this is the internet, and I can be sarcastic if I want.

These guys – I swear, they’re having their periods every single day. They’re whining, they’re moody, they’re angsty, they’re happy and fun one minute, and shooting you mad side-eye the next, sending you texts that you can’t figure out if they hate you or if they’re just upset that even their fat jeans are a bit snug.

Come on, guys. No wonder you’re single! You’re acting like women. So even if you do get a girlfriend, she’s probably a lesbian, and she’s attracted to you because you like the same flavour of Ben and Jerry’s and share the same moisturizer.

Shape up, men. Go chop down a tree or something, and come home all sweaty. And stop crying, for the love of pete.

(That’s my job, and it’s because I was thinking about how sad the song lyrics are in Tiny Dancer and then I realized that no matter what, I’ll never be a dancer now.)

I’m looking for a hard-headed woman. I mean, man.

How To: Get Supremely Day Drunk in NYC

by Rachel

This is a good and very easy how to guys.

First, go to this restaurant, somewhere near Little Italy, I don’t even know. But I do know, they have the best Sangria I have ever tasted. Ask for it special because for some reason its not on the menu. A pitcher is best.

After this, walk on down to Bowery street and hit Paulaner Brewery. Interesting fact, its the only Paulaner brewery in the states and they have a genuine German Brew master who apprenticed at the Paulaner Brewery in Munich. He’ll make beer in front of your eyes, and he’s super friendly. Isn’t that special? Anyways, in NYC, you will soon learn they have amazing happy hour deals. Its almost worth moving there. Its actually 100% worth moving there. At Paulaner, its 2 for 1 drinks from noon to 6 on Fridays and Saturdays specifically. So, we opted for the litre stein. There were three of us, only two were drinking. We each wanted a different flavour, but our lovely, attractive, Australian with a man bun bartender misunderstood, or we miscommunicated, and he brought us three of one kind of beer, thinking we all wanted a second round of the other kind. What he must have thought of us, I do not know. Some people would be annoyed, but we couldn’t have been happier. Or drunker by the end.

Until we went to our third stop, Dahlia’s, where they make an absolutely delicious margarita. They also have super crispy complimentary tortilla chips and always have the right amount of salsa (its pretty much magic). Don’t stop at 1 margarita, they’re too good. This experience will probably bring you to peak drunkenness for the day. At least it did for us, and turned out to be everyone’s favourite day of the trip!

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer

image

There’s our 3L of beer!

How To: Completely Suck At Blogging

by Shannon

Just stop doing it. It’s that easy!

You know what isn’t easy? Blogging. It’s such a pain in the ass sometimes.

When things are great, I’m sure as hell not interested in wasting time on the internet.

When things are shitty, I’m sure as hell not interested in reading my own whiny stuff, I’d rather just get kind of drunk and spend several hours on Buzzfeed.

Anyways. We’re back, baby. Maybe? Hopefully.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. And also makes you forget you have a blog.

What’s Yo’ Beef #47

by Rachel

Rachel

When you go for another sip of coffee and its empty. Huge bummer.

Shannon

When you run into someone super good looking that you know… And you’re wearing something gross. COME ON!

How To: Not Over Pack

by Rachel

Pack the amount of clothes you think you might need, then remove 5 articles of clothing. Seriously… I packed waaaay too many clothes this weekend!

How To: Make the Bus Ride a Little More Enjoyable

by Rachel

Bus wiiiiiiiiiiine. You’ll be drunk by the time you get to your destination and all will be bright with the world. Make sure you have a coffee mug or opaque water bottle.

Is there anything sweeter than wine?

How To: Survive After a Long Weekend Road Trip

by Rachel

Just eat all the leftover car snacks you bought and didn’t eat. Who needs groceries?

What’s Yo’ Beef #46

by Rachel

We’re going vegetarian today everyone… Philly bound to see the Hoochie Coochie Men, bonding with new friends, delicious sandwiches, drinking, partying, sunrises, running up the Rocky steps and a visit to Boyertown!

Life is too good to have beef today.

What’s Yo’ Beef #45

by Rachel

Rachel
When you wanna cry all the way home from the bank, and you just can’t because your bro is staying with you and you don’t want to look like a pussy. COME ON!

Shannon
My beef today, is Alberta beef! Its delicious!

How To: Ruin Clothes

by Rachel

I am an inexperienced expert  at this guys. Just take scissors to any piece of clothing in hopes of making it better, and it will probably get worse! Cut your jorts too short, cut off sleeves with too big of arm holes, and take scissors to a chiffon skirt, and I guarantee you, you will never wear that piece of clothing again.

Save your scissors… For crafts and cutting and pasting, because you will probably ruin your clothes.

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